Blog stats

A friend has started blogging about her family's sabbatical in Germany, and recently she mentioned that her blog gets a lot of hits from readers in Russia. How does she know? Blog stats!

I've contemplated writing about blog stats for a while, but have avoided the topic because it feels a little like I'm spying on my readers--which, frankly, is what blog stats are all about. Since there are only five or so of you out there who read this site regularly (how do I know? Blog stats!), I figure it's about time you know that the internets are tracking your every surfing move. Yes, Big Brother is watching you. Whether Big Brother actually cares what you do online is another question, but you might want to keep Big Brother in mind when you surf for drugs, grenades, fertilizer, and other illicit items.

Sometimes I spy on you too, dear readers--whoever you are. I know your ISP addresses and the countries wherein you surf.

Thanks to blog stats, I also know what Google search terms bring up my blog. I am pleased to report that in the past week or so, my blog was

* the #10 hit for "geeky cat toys"
* the #7 hit for "bsgrinder"
* the #3 hit for "mobius strip joke"
* the #2 hit for "trumpet spit valve condensation" and "nominalization justice kennedy"
* and the #1 hit (yay me!!!!) for "how to build a klein bottle out of clay," "top ass playing cards," and (naturally) "might oughta should."

Apparently I write about varied and far-reaching topics. The fact that my posts come up in Google searches doesn't mean anyone actually reads them though. How do I know? Blog stats.

Of course it comes as no surprise that my blog shows up in image searches for things like "diatoms," "radiolaria," and "klein bottles," but I find it interesting that my photos are pulled into the lineup by less obvious search phrases, which recently have included:

* "ceramic chicken of illinois"
* "chisel pottery with void"
* "glass worm lumber defect"
* "sneak peep"
* "twinkly candle holder"
* "trammel of archimedes what was its purpose"
* and "virginia bullshit grinder."

I am only slightly disappointed that my most popular posts have been on Radiolarians and Diatomaceous earth (these posts presumably disappoint science-minded colon-scrubbing surfers looking for useful information), followed by Bifocals (ditto; incidentally, I gave up wearing my bifocals shortly after I bought them, since I could achieve the same effect by just smearing Vaseline on my regular glasses). Next in line are Men in Lederhosen (gotta love 'em!), Kissed by the kiln, Correspondences with the Tooth Fairy, Chickens for the Cure, 2011 (note that Brunhilde, Desdemona, and Roxanne are still looking for a new cause), The Two Towers: a recitation on females therein (this one got a lot of hits because my famous filmmaker activist sister posted it on her Facebook page. I remain quite proud of my poetic prowess; I'm also a fan of the far less popular post, Grammar at Bag-End), Wheel thrown and altered in obscene heat (no, no, it's not what you think--people get there by searching for "wheel thrown and altered," not "obscene heat"), and Cone 6 wood firing.

Of course, if you click on any of those links, Big Brother and I will know.