Friday, June 7, 2019

Pageant outcome

Enquiring minds can Google "Beaver Queen Pageant 2019" to learn how things panned out last Saturday. Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver did not win the crown, but did win Best Talent for her reinterpretion of the pottery scene from Ghost as a polyamorous interspecies clay slip-smearing water-sprinkler-sprinkling fest. The scene starred Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver as Demi Moore, Faser Beaver as Patrick Swayze, a waddle of Entouragettes who also wanted "to be in the room where it happened," and a bunch of children over whose heads all the innuendo flew and who were happy just to run through a sprinkler in a park on a hot day.

The State Presence question was "if you are in the room where it happens, what room are you in, and what's happening?" Adélie gave an impassioned call to action:

Penguins inhabit two worlds at once:
we whoosh through water, we waddle on land.
So you'll find me in two rooms at once,
both getting hotter, both threatened by Man.

Find me first in the Living Room,
the room where, to live, we must take a stand.
Find me next in the world's biggest room:
the Room for Improvement; wherefore I demand:

Penguins raise flippers! Beavers raise paws!
Humans raise hands to pass some new laws!
The first legislation we sign and seal
is a path toward renewal: a Green New Deal!
The next legislation: let hist'ry record
we sign ourselves back in the Paris Accord!

There's no room for doubt; there's no wriggle room.
Species unite! Save our planet from doom!
You want a revelation? I want a revolution!
To arms! RISE UP 'gainst climate change and pollution!

Several hundred Potters' Penguin Project penguins found forever homes, Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association raised ~$24,400, and I've reclaimed shelf space at home to fill up with my next community-building art project. All is good.





Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Adélie P. Beaver is running for Beaver Queen

Meet Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver.

I am not entirely sure what I'm doing, but to avoid permanently being That Penguin Lady, I am participating in a local spectacle: Durham's home-grown Beaver Queen Pageant. Read a history of the Beaver Queen Pageant here.

The pageant raises funds for the Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association (ECWA). Way back in 2016, anticipating that the Potters' Penguin Project might need a local outlet for re-homing clay penguins, I built the Pageant into the project's original fundraising plan: "If, after reasonable effort, any penguins don't sell or are declined as donations, remaining colony members may be donated to a charity doing environmental advocacy in Durham, NC (where the Potters' Penguin Project originated)."

The Potters' Penguin Project previously raised funds for SANCCOB (2017) and Earthjustice (2018-19). We returned to the Greensboro Science Center a month ago for a second Tuxedo Trot fundraising round for SANCCOB. Now it's on to the Beaver Queen Pageant (June 1) to fundraise for ECWA. We'll have several hundred penguins on hand in exchange for donations (in pageant parlance, that's "buying votes" and "buying bribes").

Look! Earthjustice Quarterly Newsletter, Spring 2019...

...included a blurb about the Potters' Penguin Project!

Thus a Beaver Queen Pageant contestant was born: Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver, penguin by birth, beaver by marriage. What's the environmental advocacy connection between penguins and beavers, you ask? Both urgently need humans to be better stewards of the environment.

Because back-stories evolve, Adélie has evolved too. She started out as Adélie P. Beaver, and because I hadn't figured out whether she was a beaver or a penguin, she looked like this:

Adélie P. Beaver. She's teaching me about community-building performance art.
Adélie has since confirmed and embraced her penguin heritage. Her looks have evolved slightly as well. The Beaver Queen Pageant theme this year is "Damilton," so it's no surprise that now she looks like this:


If you are Facebook-inclined, please follow Adélie P. Beaver's page. And if you are inclined to support a Durham environmental advocacy nonprofit, please vote for Adélie early and often at beaverqueen.org.

Adélie declared her candidacy early, by Beaver Queen Pageant standards, because she didn't know what she was doing. She has since started a semi-regular Q&A called "Ask Adélie." Here are some highlights to date:

March 18, 2019
Adélie Beaver is delighted to announce that she is canceling plans to join the crowded field of Democratic contenders for president in order to run for 2019 Beaver Queen. The next 24 hours are critical: Adélie needs to raise 6.2 million krill from individual donors to demonstrate she's competitive. Please show your support by liking and sharing this page!
March 20, 2019
A perceptive reader asks, "If Adélie is coming all the way from the Southern Hemisphere for the 2019 pageant, how could she also have been contemplating a 2020 bid for the US Presidency?"
Excellent question! My parents hail from Cape Denison, Antarctica. They were what the scientific community unfortunately calls "vagrants." They unintentionally hitched a ride on a fishing boat in 1966 and ended up in Alaska, well outside their native habitat. There I hatched in 1967 (eight years after Alaska became a state). I moved to North Carolina in 2011, after the New York Times listed Durham alongside the beaches of Mexico and the wilds of Kurdistan as one of "The 41 Places to Go," but I spend my winters in Commonwealth Bay studying krill. (Perceptive readers will note that winter in Durham is summer in Antarctica.)  
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!


March 21, 2019
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "How do you pronounce 'Adélie'?"
Excellent question! You can listen to my name being pronounced [here]. It sounds a lot like "a daily." My campaign slogan is "Everyone needs Adélie Beaver," which would be pronounced "ev-ree-wun needz a daily bee-ver" (ˈev-rē-wən ˈnēdz ə-ˈdā-lē ˈbē-vər).
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
March 27, 2019
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "you wrote that you study krill, but your Facebook page describes you as an 'Artist.' What gives?"

Excellent question! As my parents never said, "Adélie is the A in STEAM education." I studied the Quadrivium (arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, and music) in Juneau, and the Trivium (grammar, logic, and rhetoric) in Cape Denison. Since arriving in Durham, I've spent a lot of time sculpting mud. Dear reader, I encourage you to spread your wings! Try something new! It's fun to be a well-rounded beaver!

Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
March 28
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Are you the only penguin in Ellerbe Creek?"
Excellent question! To paraphrase one of our nation's former presidents, "It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'in' is. If the—if Ellerbe—if 'in' means in and never within, that is not within—that is one thing. If it means there is none in, that was a completely true statement." In other words, probably. 
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
April 4

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "what does the P stand for in 'Adélie P. Beaver'?" 
Excellent question! I have one sister named Angelica, and another sister named Eliza, so if you guessed Peggy, after the Schuyler sister--well, you'd be wrong. 
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 5
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "I'm hoping to avoid voting for candidates who have trouble keeping their flippers to themselves. Are you a candidate I can trust on these matters?"

Excellent question! Your body is your body, and no one else should be touching you with their flipper or tail or whiskers or ears or anything else without your consent. Planned Parenthood describes "consent" as something (1) freely given; (2) reversible; (3) informed; (4) enthusiastic; and (5) specific. Even if you've consented to flipper-to-flipper contact before, that doesn't mean you consent to it in the future.
But I think your question indicates you understand this already; the problem is, how should one respond to unwanted, non-consensual touch? Speak up and speak out. I believe I am a candidate you can trust on these matters because I understand consent and I am comfortable talking about it. And I'm an upstander--not a bystander; I call out disrespectful flipper flinging when I see it. Because if we don't stand up for one another, who will? As Hermione Emma Granger Watson says, "I’ve told myself firmly--if not me, who, if not now, when?"
Rest assured that every single one of the creatures of the meadow who will be participating in the talent portion of my pageant program will be doing so joyfully, respectfully, and by mutual consent.

Looking for helpful information for discussing touch and consent with your kits and chicks? Planned Parenthood is an excellent place to start. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 8
Ron Chew-Now's bestselling book, Alexander Damilton, was published by Penguin Random House. "Who lives, who dies, who tells your story?" Penguins. Penguins tell your story. See you in the meadow on June 1!
April 9

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "OK, so your middle name isn't Peggy--but what is it?" 
Excellent question! As my high school calculus teacher used to say when inquisitive chicks and kits asked questions, "You are smarter than you think. What do you think the answer is?"
Like = Philanthropic
Love = Potter
Haha = Penguin
Wow = Pygoscelis
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 12

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Some conservative forces have been suggesting that your claim to the last name Beaver is tenuous (at best) and are demanding a DNA test. How do you respond?" 
Excellent question! True story: my mom sent me one of those spit-in-a-vial DNA kits several years ago. When I finally spat in the vial and mailed it in, the results said what I already knew: I am who I thought I was. Also, I have a bazillion distantly related cousins--just like pretty much anyone else who has descended from anyone else, since everyone's DNA has to come from somewhere. Also, my mother's DNA is so similar to mine, the spit-in-a-vial company was "highly certain" she was either my parent or my child--which demonstrates that you can only learn so much from DNA testing. But I digress. 
True story: I've been working a lot on genealogy recently--not because of the DNA thing, but because my family has a legacy of excellent story telling that I'm trying to carry on. My most exciting recent find is that my intellectual socialist great great great great great aunt who believed in women's education and lived in Budapest in the 19th century actually lived in the 20th century and was probably only a great great great great aunt. She would probably have loved meeting up with the communist side of the family (who had to flee more than one city on short notice under cover of dark)--I know they would have loved meeting up with her--but the internet didn't exist until recently, so no one knew she was still alive in the 1960s when my grandmother was using her name as a pseudonym in a certain Chicago neighborhood communist newsletter. If you want to know how my relatives got from Cape Denison to Budapest and Chicago, you'll have to ask more questions. But I digress.
What studying family history has taught me is that names often get respelled or mangled when folks immigrate (which is how, e.g., my great great uncle Bruno became "Dorcas Joe"). The name "Beaver" is just as much mine as the name Adélie is, as is the multifaceted middle initial P. I am who I thought I was. I claim to be no one else. I am running for Beaver Queen to share an environmental message: whether your kin live in water or on land or both, in the northern hemisphere or the southern or both, we have but one planet to share. From the Duke Park Meadow to Commonwealth Bay and everywhere in between, let's work together to leave this world a cleaner place than we found it.
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 18

Today in Ask Adélie, I'm returning to that question about what the P. in Adélie P. Beaver stands for.
I thought, perceptive readers, that you knew more than you thought you knew, but it turns out I was wrong. My middle name is not Peggy, Penelope, Prudence, Pollen (oh dear--to be allergic to one's own middle name!), Pandora, Puffin (though we're distantly related), Psychedelic, Pythagoras (swoon!), or Plato--although all were good guesses. Nor is it Philanthropic or Potter (although I strive to be both). So I'm narrowing down the choices. Middle name by democracy--please vote early and often!
* Penguin
* Pygoscelis
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 23

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Mayor Pete is apparently a big enough fan of Phish that he'd want them to play his inauguration. What are your feelings towards Phish (and, well, fish)?"

Excellent question! Who doesn't love Phish? Ooh, and that great Norwegian indie band, Krill? But for my inauguration (should I be so honored), I'd probably go with that classic of all classics, "[I Want to Be] Your Personal Penguin" by Sandra Boynton, sung by the late great Davy Jones (RIP).

Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 26

Today in Ask Adélie, I return to two previous questions: (1) what's my middle name, and (2) what's my claim to the surname Beaver? It's a long post, but life is sometimes complicated.
First, the polling results are in, and I'm grateful the majority of y'all guessed wisely, so I don't have to change my name. The P stands for Pygoscelis. Only 14 of you voted, which reinforces the claim that EVERY VOTE COUNTS. This is true whether you're voting for student or city council, state or federal representatives, president or Beaver Queen. Especially Beaver Queen. Vote early and often.

Second, because I know that journalists scrutinize candidates' histories (as they should! Those who do it well help voters make more informed decisions! Defend Freedom of the Press! We've got your back, New York Times! NEVER beg for forgiveness on your knees before the nefarious Tyrant of Tweets!), I want to make sure you hear this news straight from the penguin's mouth: I recently submitted paperwork to change my legal name.
Here's why: Approaching 24 years of wedded bliss, my spouse, Faser Beaver, and I renewed our vows this past weekend. We decided to mark the occasion, and our equal partnership, by hyphenating our last names, bringing my maiden name back out from the shadows of middle-name status.
Adélie and Faser Pygoscelis-Beaver. The name Beaver is just as much mine as the name Pygoscelis is Faser's. We are still both who we thought we were. We still claim to be no one else. We hold these truths to be self evident, that all species are created equal. Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now!
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 28

Practicing my stage waddle before Tails & Tiaras [pageant kick-off party]. Mr. Faser Pygoscelis-Beaver was the camera man, which explains why he said "arms! arms!" instead of "flippers! flippers!" Such a beaver thing to say! But I knew what he meant--we know one another's language ♥.




April 28

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "WTF is a penguin doing running for Beaver Queen?"

Excellent question! I am running for two reasons.
(1) Three years ago, I made a sacred vow to help 1,500 clay penguins find forever homes while simultaneously fundraising for environmental advocacy nonprofits. Then 1,500 penguins became over 2,100 penguins. Over 600 of those have been adopted, but if you do the math, you'll realize that still leaves 1,400+ penguins. To this end, the The Potters' Penguin Project is sponsoring pageant votes. Buy four votes/bribes, take a penguin home. Win-win! And those votes don't have to be for Adélie (although of course I would appreciate your support!)--because the most important issue at the pageant isn't WHO to vote for, but just that you VOTE, and because a vote for any contestant is a vote for the environment, and because 1,400 penguins is A LOT OF PENGUINS (although a mere hundredth the number of penguins in many colonies). You can vote for any beaver or penguin, and still take a penguin home! Want a penguin before pageant day? PM me.
(2) I am running for Beaver Queen to share an environmental message: whether your kin live in water or on land or both, in the northern hemisphere or the southern or both, we have but one planet to share. From the Duke Park Meadow to Commonwealth Bay and everywhere in between, we must work together to leave this world a cleaner place than we found it.
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 29

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Sir David Attenborough says that penguins never give up. Is that true?"
Excellent question! Oh my, yes. Penguins never give up. Sometimes we play dead when leopard seals clamp their jaws around us, but that's called STRATEGY. And yes, we gave up air flight eons ago so we could eat more krill, but that's called EFFICIENCY.
And when it comes to enlisting help to fight climate change? Penguins rise up.
If you're slidin' on your belly, you rise up.
Tell your beaver brother that he's gotta rise up!
Tell your orca sister that she's gotta rise up!
When are folks like me and you gonna rise up?
On every glacier, in every creek, we need to rise up.
All species for the common good, we need to rise up!
We ain't got no other choice, we need to rise up!
RISE UP!
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

April 29

Here's a did you know: both Rootie 2D Beaver and Gnawty Beaver helped craft penguins for the The Potters' Penguin Project. Beavers and penguins understand that ALL species benefit when we unite to fight climate change!

May 2

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Wait, how do you pronounce your name again? ADD-a-lye? Add-a-LEE? Piggo-what? Help!"
Excellent question! Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start. You can listen to my forename being pronounced in the link [here]. It sounds a lot like "a daily."
Until I hyphenated my last name, my campaign slogan was "Everyone needs Adélie Beaver," which would be pronounced "everyone needs a daily beaver." (I had also considered "Everyone needs Adélie P"--pronounced "everyone needs a daily pee"--which is true for mammals, and good for their health, but not for penguins. We don't pee. True fact. Look it up if you don't believe me.)
As we used to say in language lab in high school, "écoutez et répétez": listen and repeat. "Everyone needs a daily beaver. Everyone needs Adélie Beaver." "Everyone needs a daily pee. Everyone needs Adélie P."
I'll give you some time to practice, and then I'll be back with a discourse on "Pygoscelis."
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
P.S. Vote early and often! https://beaverqueen.swell.gives/AdeliePBeaver

May 3

Today in Ask Adélie, let's learn how to pronounce Pygoscelis.
My parents' side of the colony always said "pie-go-SELL-iss." On the opposite side of Antarctica, folks say "pie-GOSS-el-iss" (same accent as octopodes--ahk-TAHP-uh-deez--the musicality of which I LOVE). Sometimes I hear "pig-o-CHELL-eez," which is not to my pronunciation taste AT ALL. In English, it translates as "Rump Legged," which surely indicates penguins have some kinship with beaver queens.
As I ponder differences in regional pronunciations, I should mention that Antarctica is the southernmost continent on the planet. Every direction away from the South Pole is NORTH. If Rootie 2D Beaver were to visit the South Pole and do the Wetland Wiggle ("wiggle to the left and wiggle to the right"), she'd be wiggling to the NORTH in both directions.
Ecoutez et répétez: listen and repeat. "Pygoscelis, pie-go-SELL-iss." Alternatively, "Pygoscelis, pie-GOSS-el-iss." (You can understand why it was easier to just go with P for so many years.)
I'll give you some time to practice, and then I'll be back with a discourse on "Beaver."
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
P.S. Vote early and often! https://beaverqueen.swell.gives/AdeliePBeaver

May 4
Sometimes I go to the studio to make cups and bowls, and instead this happens...




[Editor's note: I swore I was done making penguins, but duty calls.]

May 6

Today in Ask Adélie, let's learn how to pronounce Beaver.
BEE-vr. BEE-vr.

Ecoutez et répétez: listen and repeat. "Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver. A daily pie-go-SELL-iss BEE-vr." Alternatively, "Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver. A daily pie-GOSS-el-iss BEE-vr."
Ecoutez et répétez: listen and repeat. "Everyone needs a daily beaver! Vote for Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver at http://www.beaverqueen.org/!" ("Everyone needs a daily beaver! Vote for Adélie Pygoscelis-Beaver at http://www.beaverqueen.org/!")
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

May 8

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "you recently claimed that both penguins and beavers are rump-legged. Do y'all have any other attributes in common?"
Excellent question! While you might think we're polar opposites (so to speak), one similarity jumps immediately to mind: We're both national animals. Beavers are the national animal of Canada. Penguins are the national animal of Antarctica--which is impressive, given that Antarctica isn't a nation. Either there's another young, scrappy, and hungry country in the making, or you can't believe everything you read on the internet. You decide.
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
Vote early and often at http://www.beaverqueen.org

May 9
Last night while I was working with slippy clay on my pottery wheel, I was listening to classic rock radio, and they played the Righteous Brothers version of "Unchained Melody." If ever there was a song about the sensuous coupling of penguin-beaver habitats, this is it!
Oh my love, my darling, [blah blah blah etc.]
Lonely rivers flow
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea;
Lonely rivers sigh
"Wait for me, wait for me"
I'll be coming home, wait for me. 
Oh my love, my darling, [blah blah blah etc.]

May 13

When a wee penguin needs a wee tail for the big beaver pageant, it helps to know an expert knitter.





May 14

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "You've mentioned that you're a beaver by marriage. Could you tell us more about your family?"
Excellent question! My spouse Faser is a European beaver (Castor fiber) from Germany. An engineer, he studied dam-building in Bavaria and is committed to keeping all wetlands clean.

We have one kit-chick, Pulli, whom we of course adore. Pulli's greatest talents are Thinking Outside the Box, Playing Well With Others, and Pizza-Box Art (look for his award-winning icosahedron on the wall at Pompieri Pizza).
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
Remember to vote early and often at http://beaverqueen.swell.gives/users/adeliepbeaver!




May 15

Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "I understand that you are a beaver by marriage, and that you're a penguin by birth, and that you're running for Beaver Queen because species must unite to fight climate change, but, um, I'm a little confused about, um, well, you know, how you and Mr. Pygoscelis-Beaver were able to, um, well, you said you have a kit-chick, and, um, could you please clarify?"
Excellent question! Here's what I have to say about that: Love doesn't discriminate.
Love doesn't discriminate
between the penguins and the beavers.
It weaves and it weaves and it weaves
between our glaciers and our rivers.
We laugh and we cry and we break,
and we make our mistakes.
But there's a reason I'm by his side
when so many have tried:
cuz we're willing to work for it.
We're willing to work for it.
Peace. Love. Beaver. Penguin.
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
Vote early and often at http://www.beaverqueen.org/

May 17
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "I notice you quote Damilton a lot, and I think I caught whiffs of The Sound of Music and Ghost: The Musical in previous Ask Adélie columns. What other musicals do you like?"
Excellent question! I recently had a chance to see a thought-provoking revival of Oklantarctica in a walk-in freezer way off Broadway. My favorite song from that show is below.
Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!
=====================
Semi-Aquatic Folk
The beaver and the penguin should be friends.
Oh, the beaver and the penguin should be friends.
One critter likes to slap its tail, the other hides from the orca whale,
That's good enough reason why they should be friends.
Semi-aquatic folks should stick together,
Semi-aquatic folks should all be pals.
Penguins dance with beaver brothers,
Beavers dance with penguin gals. (repeat)
I'd like to say a word for the beavers,
They come outta the creek and they make a lot of changes
They come out on land and chew a lot of trees,
And build their dams wherever they dam please!
The beavers are good and thrifty citizens,
No matter how they rearrange things.
You often see 'em dancin' in a bar room
Slappin' their tails and buyin' drinks.
Yes, the beaver and the penguin should be friends.
Oh, the beaver and the penguin should be friends.
The penguin waddles over ice with ease, while the beaver prefers wetlands with bees,
That's good enough reason why they should be friends.
Semi-aquatic folks should stick together,
Semi-aquatic folks should all be pals.
Penguins dance with beaver brothers,
Beavers dance with penguin gals.
I'd like to say a word for the penguins,
the road they tread is difficult and rocky.
They slide on their bellies for days on end with jist a thousand other penguins for a friend.
I sure am feelin' sorry for that flocky!
The beavers should be sociable with the penguins,
if they slide by and ask for water and food.
You should treat 'em like guests, make 'em welcome--dam be blessed!
Fight climate change together lest we all be screwed!

Semi-aquatic folks should stick together,
Semi-aquatic folks should all be pals.
Penguins dance with beaver brothers,
Beavers dance with penguin gals.
Remember to vote early and often at http://www.beaverqueen.org!


May 17
Last night, Faser, Pulli, and I went to see a delightful performance of Peter and the Starcatcher at DSA Theatre. The opening scene of Act II--a mermaid song and dance routine--was especially poignant: all of the mermaids had plastic waste on their bodies. Plastic coffee cup lids, plastic plates, plastic bubble pack. The message is clear: humans and other species must unite for a cleaner environment: mermaid lives depend on it!

May 19
In honor of Damilton, my most recently crafted sculptures depict young scrappy penguins of the Federalist Era. Some outfits never go out of style.


May 20
May 20 is World Bee Day, as proclaimed by the UN Member States in 2017. So here's a shout out to our 2015 Beaver Queen, Mz. Polly Nator, who helped Durham become certified as a Bee City USA in 2016. When species unite for the environment, we all win! Let's protect our fuzzy winged friends by avoiding toxic mosquito barrier sprays this summer. And next summer. And every summer. (As you can tell from the photos, I kinda have a thing for bees. I mean, I absolutely adore my beloved beaver, but oh my, check out these gorgeous bee bods...)






May 22
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Waiting for the pageant is even harder than waiting for the series finale of GOT. I can't wait until June 1st! Do you have any behind-the-scenes sneak-peeks you can leak before then?"

Excellent question! You've probably figured out by now that I'm a card carrying member of the species Pygoscelis adeliae, a.k.a. an Adélie penguin. We tend to be a traditional bunch--pretty much the "heed-not-the-rabble-who-scream-revolution" types of the penguin world. While I've always been a bit of a rebel (I am an artist, after all), prepping for the Beaver Queen Pageant has been liberating in ways I never could have imagined. And why wouldn't it be? Imagine dressing up in a costume and pretending to be someone completely different! So now, Gentle Reader, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I haven't made a final decision on this, but--wait for it, wait for it--this here Adélie penguin is contemplating going full out ROCKHOPPER on pageant day! Yo yo yo yo yo, what time is it? Show time!

Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

Remember to vote early and often at https://beaverqueen.swell.gives/users/adliep.beaver

May 24
Here's a didja know: the vast majority of penguin species live in warm or temperate climates, not cold ones. We live on every continent south of the equator, and the only penguin species to live in the northern hemisphere (not counting "vagrants," like my parents) is the Galapagos penguin--only because the equator runs right through the balmy Galapagos Islands. Nonetheless, it's mighty hot in Durham for this here penguin today. Looking forward to cooler temps on pageant day!



May 24
Today in Ask Adélie, a perceptive reader asks, "Did you just call your parents 'vagrants'? That doesn't seem very nice."

Excellent question! My parents have been full-time penguins their entire lives. "Vagrant" is an unfortunate term used by biologists to refer to species found outside their normal range. Sometimes biologists use the term "accidental" instead. We could discuss what "normal" means--normal according to whom, eh?--and my parents certainly weren't "accidental." They were simply diving for krill one day when that fishing boat picked them up; no one ever told them they were heading to Alaska until they pulled into Bristol Bay.

Imagine them, plannin’ for the future; see 'em now as they stand on the bow of that ship headed for a new land; in Alaska they could be new penguins...When America sings for them, Will they know what they overcame? Will they know they rewrote their game? Their world would never be the same.

Have a question for Adélie? She has an answer!

Remember to vote early and often at https://beaverqueen.org/


May 25
Hardly a day goes by when I don't say "So long, and thanks for all the fish." Happy Towel Day 2019, everyone!
May 25
Pat, pat; and here's a marvelous convenient place
for our rehearsal. This green plot shall be our
stage, this hawthorn-brake our tiring-house; and we
will do it in action as we will do it before the Duke [Park beavers].
--Wm Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act III, Scene 1

BTW, while we're less than a month from Midsummer Night here in Durham, my cousins in Antarctica are approaching deepest darkest winter. May the wind be at their backs and their huddle stand strong!


May 25
The Beaver Queen Pageant is a week away. To center myself (as we potter penguins are wont to do), I went to the Durham Farmers' Market this morning and commissioned a poem (although I meant to go just to buy strawberries). The prompt was brief--penguin running for Beaver Queen on an environmental platform--and the author was from out of town and hadn't heard of the pageant, but the poem he wrote took my breath away. Peace. Love. Beaver. Penguin. #gratitude
============= 
Beaver Creek Penguin...

Species, we are, will be, all--must come
together.
All interdependent all related
hawk, swoop, hare--all one.
Here, in North Carolina we're on Piedmont
Mind.
Beaver bliss in the freedom
backyards once provided,
before being measured, being sold.
The soul of Earth can't be sold is
grandmothered in is not ours.
Connected by rain cycles and roots,
migrating like water like galaxies.
Penguin, like, now, here:
For Beavers for land for minerals
for our vegetable nature,
North Carolina Penguins come together.
A penguin is never one
this is true, too, about we people.
Blue Mountains are always walking,
says the grass.
On the hillside, all together, one big breathe.
Breathe deep, as Penguins do
before standing up for what they
believe is true.
Longleaf pine, once Peopled
how much stands
now? How
many?
To walk out of the ocean,
and feel the weight of atmosphere--
to unfold in Paleolithic mind.
We are older then we remember
are penguins, beavers, hands clapping
cave paintings, agriculture, song, dance,
craft--as Beavers craft and penguins dance.
Penguin memory says:
roots feed you feed roots feed you.
To protect and relocate, grow,
learn the plants,
go light.

DURHAM, Carolina del Norte
2000&when?



May 27
More centering. Sending Peace, Love, Beaver, Penguin to the Ellerbe Creek Watershed Association. Thanks for leading a beautiful and informative Memorial Day Heron Rookery Hike this morning.





May 28
Pygoscelis penguins prepare pre-pageant, promoting public philanthropic pride.



==============
That's where things stand, four days before the pageant. Hope to see you in the meadow on June 1!

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

The unexpected guest: a poem in two parts

I.
Cat plays at my feet,
tickles my leg
once;
twice;
thrice.
I look down to tell him to stop,
and see he's too far away
to reach my shin.
How is he tickling me?
Mid-wonder,
something skitters inside my pants leg.
Palmetto bug?!
I shake my leg forcefully,
flinging it away.
It squeaks.
Mouse.
I try to rescue it before the cat can kill it, but
the mouse is small and fast and
takes refuge behind the fish tank.
Vigilant cat stands sentry, while my shin
replays the memory of where
the silken paws
climbed.

II.
Vigilant cat!
You waited patiently,
ears cocked,
pupils wide,
hours long.
The mouse waited too,
then, tricked by your silence,
emerged from behind the fish tank.
You pounced.
Mouse pounced.
I pounced.
We danced together erratically
on tip-toes until at last
darkness fell
in the concave form of black polypropylene,
no longer single-use plastic.

Bewildered rodent rests now
under a giant oak tree,
blinking in the sunlight,
panting,
a fang hole in its side.
A mortal wound?

The poet ponders:
Will mouse live or will mouse die or
will mouse find its way back up my leg?

Wednesday, April 17, 2019

Pot shots

The Durham County Pottery Tour takes place every November, but we start planning in January. Photos were due last week. My work is kind of all over the place--I have my signature "zigzag" and "swoosh" pots, plus lots of functional ware, but also lots of work that doesn't really match anything else--yet is among my favorite stuff to make. It's challenging to pick Tour photos that capture the spread without looking like sprawl. Here's what I picked for this year:

1. Glazed, soda-fired zigzag teapot. Usually I leave these pots unglazed to show off the contrast between slip and clay body (in which case I'll typically weave a cane handle rather than adding a hand-built clay one). I like the wiggle of the spout on this pot, and that the diameter of the foot matches the diameter of the neck. There are also some nice glaze details, including melty reds and blacks amid the ochre.


2. Unglazed slip-on-bare-clay zigzag vases (both have liner glazes). I really enjoy making this type of pot, in part because they capture what I see as math and physics in my work. I cut (zigzag) or swipe (swoosh) patterns into slipped cylinders; these expand into organic designs as I stretch the pots from the inside. Friction torques vertical zigzags into spirals; parallel swooshes drift apart or scrunch together; and coarse canyons emerge between smooth-slipped plateaus. The transformations are different every time, functions of variables both within and beyond my control: initial patterns, depths of cuts, slopes of curves, plasticity of clay bodies, magnitude of expansion, and directional spin of the wheel.

Looking at this photo now, I'm realizing the graduated background is unevenly lit, which is embarrassing. Poor quality photographs don't flatter pots.


3. Candlesticks. Tons of fun to make, but not necessarily safe if you have cats. We keep these out of reach (theoretically) on our mantle, but our cats still manage to figure out how to knock them over. I can't sell the candlestick on the left because it's epoxied back together. Thanks, cats.


4. Chickarinas. Goofy, geeky, reasonably well-tempered tuned chicken whistles. These days I usually make four-hole chickarinas tuned to play two tetrachords (sol to do plus do to fa), which is just right for playing the melody of Schubert's Die Forelle. (Why do I play The Trout on chickens? Because I can.) I sell them with a fingering chart and a really good poem. They don't exactly coordinate with zigzag vases, but I fantasize that past customers will see the photo and remember to bring their chickarinas with them when they visit, now with a year of practice under their belts, so we can play chickarina duets.


Monday, March 4, 2019

For the love of all that is good in the world, just use "we"

It's been a while since I've written anything about prose style, but I'm in the midst of providing feedback to a bunch of student science writers, and I feel compelled to speak up on behalf of beleaguered readers of English-language science writing. Yes, I'm talking to you, you more experienced, published science-writing professionals: set a good example for the grad students.

Just use we.

We.

And put it at the front of the sentence, so you can put a verb right after it.

We examine X.

We consider X.

We investigate X.

X can be simple; X can be complex. With "we [verb]" in front of it, X can throw pretty much anything at readers, and readers generally will handle X without getting annoyed. Or at least, without getting as annoyed as they would were X standing in front of a supremely boring passive-voice verb that doesn't show up until a mile further down the sentence road.

Generally, when I read students' science writing, I don't have to know much about the science to detect whether the prose makes sense. Sometimes, to tell whether my confusion is with the prose or my lack of scientific knowledge, I'll look up a term or phrase to see how more experienced authors use it.

Today, I Googled one such phrase. This led me several articles confirming the phrase's existence. One such article included this sentence:
Prospective applications of targeted compounds derived from display libraries in the discovery of targeted drugs and gene therapy vectors are discussed.
Dear readers, be honest: did you read the entire sentence from beginning to end? If so, did you understand it? If so, did you enjoy it?

Please, people, give in to temptation. I promise it's OK: use "we."

We discuss.
We discuss prospective applications of targeted compounds derived from display libraries in the discovery of targeted drugs and gene therapy vectors.
Readers might not adore the revision, but they won't want to bang their heads against a wall after reading it. Or at least they won't want to bang their heads quite so hard.

This has been a public service announcement. Feel free to complain in the comments.

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

Die Zauberkasu: An Opera in 3 Acts and 15 Minutes

My sister and I wrote an opera in 1983, when I was a first-year college student and she was in high school. We rounded up a cast and performed it at the high school's annual variety show in February 1984, and then we took it on tour to the public library and our old elementary school. The elementary school stage was in the gym. I used to have nightmares about swinging from the top of the giant rope that hung backstage; it took until I was taking college physics to realize that you can't swing from the top of a rope. I remember that before we performed at the elementary school, the cast of Die Zauberkasu asked me how big the elementary school stage was. "It's really big," I said, pointing halfway up my chest; "it's this high above the floor." When we arrived, we saw the stage didn't even come up to my knees. Apparently I had grown since 3rd grade.

As part of the snail's-pace Great Purge of 2018-2019, I decided it was time for my tape collection to move on--but what to do with The Magic Kazoo? The Kaesekaiser suggested I purchase a cassette-to-mp3 converter online.

Consequently, here, for your listening pleasure, gentle readers, is Die Zauberkasu: An Opera in 3 Acts and 15 Minutes. (Blogger doesn't allow mp3 uploads, so you have to click on the link if you want to hear it.) The libretto is below, for those who would like to sing along.

Die Zauberkasu: An Opera in 3 Acts and 15 Minutes
Libretto and music by Elizabeth Paley and Nina Paley (1983)

Original cast performance: "Big Show," 2/11/1984, University Laboratory High School, Urbana IL
Kaesekaiser: Peter McDowell
Heinrich: Andrew Reisner
Velveeta: Becky Davidson
Fondue: Richard WIlliams
Magic Fairy Elves: Lark Huang, Emily Osborn, Cynthia Chow
Ensemble: The 1984 cast of "Big Show"
Piano: Elizabeth Paley
Kazoos: Nina Paley, Sarah Baldwin
Percussion: Rick Burkhardt

[Optional: Explanatory Introduction as Orchestra Tunes]

Overture

Act I. The town of Macroni

1. Chorus: Lo Here Cometh the Kaesekaiser (Ensemble + Kaesekaiser)

Ensemble: 
Lo here cometh the Kaesekaiser, 
riding upon his royal Philly; 
he shall visit our town of Macroni 
and taste our Macronian cheese. 
[Ahh] O it would bring us nothing but bliss 
if he were to like our Swiss, 
but he may shoot it full of holes, 
oh he may shoot it full of holes.

Ensemble + Kaesekaiser: 
Lo here cometh the Kaesekaiser, 
riding upon his/my royal Philly; 
it will bring us great joy and pleasure 
to meet one as Gouda as he.

2. Chorus: Bow to the Kaesekaiser (Ensemble + Kaesekaiser) 

Kaesekaiser:
Bow to the Kaesekaiser, 
I am the Kaesekaiser, 
King of all the cheeses. 
I'm here to inspect the cheese, 
I'm here to look at Heinrich's cheese--
and other things of Heinrich's too. 
Especially the other things, 
the other things of Heinrich's too.

Ensemble + Kaesekaiser:
Bow to the Kaesekaiser, 
he is/I am the Kaesekaiser, 
King of all the cheeses. 
He's/I'm here to inspect the cheese, 
he's/I'm here to look at Heinrich's cheese--
and other things of Heinrich's too. 

3. Duet: O Velveeta/Fondue (Fondue + Velveeta)

Kaesekaiser:
Heinrich, shall we discuss the German cheese industry?

Heinrich:
Okay.

Fondue:
O Velveeta, I love you, 
I love you with all my heart. 
To me you're better than Port Salut, 
or Brie, or Cammembart.

Velveeta:
O Fonduuuuue, 
I love youuuuuu tooooo.

4. Melodrama (Heinrich, Velveeta, Kaesekaiser)

Heinrich:
Young man, my daughter is not to be cavorting around with the likes of you! Depart at once!

Velveeta:
[gasps]

Kaesekaiser:
Heinrich, shall I inspect your cheese?

Heinrich:
Okay. Here's some cheese.

Kaesekaiser:
Mmm, good.

Heinrich:
Here's some cheese.

Kaesekaiser:
Mmm, yummy.

Heinrich:
Here's some cheese.

Kaesekaiser:
That looks real tasty.

Heinrich:
Here's some cheese.

Kaesekaiser:
A little on the moldy side.

5. Recitative (Kaesekaiser + Heinrich)

Kaesekaiser:
O Heinrich! I'm willing to give your cheeses the highest of ratings--if you give me Velveeta's hand in marriage!

Heinrich:
Sure, why not? Okey fine. Alrighty. OK.

Act II. The woods outside of Macroni

1. Aria doloroso: Voe ist mich (Fondue) 

Fondue:
Voe ist mich. Mein Velveeta 
ist betrothen to the Kaesekaiser. 
Vas shall ich do? 
Ich don't know. Ich don't know. 
She ist the fairest in the land. 
How ich vish ich could vin her hand. 
How ich veep. Ich bin drowning in mein tears.
Ich bin drowning in mein tears.

2. Trio: This Is a Charmed Gold Kazoo (Magic Fairy Elves)

Magic Fairy Elves:
This is a charmed gold kazoo; 
it will bring good luck to you. 
Put your lips to it and play; 
the whole town will run away.

Act III. The town of Macroni

1. Aria: All the Town Is Happy and Joyous (Velveeta)

Velveeta:
All the town is happy and joyous, 
but I am without their glee, 
for my love is with young Fondue, 
and the Kaiser is betrothed to me. 
And my father hates my love Fondue, 
for he is better at his Kraft; 
yes, Fondue is better at his Kraft.

2. Melodrama: The handing-off

Heinrich: 
My congratulations on your happy and monetarily successful marriage! Bye bye, Velveeta! Seeya 'round!

3. Instrumental + Reprise: O Velveeta/Fondue (Fondue + Velveeta)

Fondue: [kazoo]

Velveeta (sung) + Fondue (kazoo):
O Fonduuuuuuuue! I love youuuuuuu!

3. Melodrama + Finale: O Joy! (Velveeta, Fondue, & Ensemble)

Velveeta:
Indeed! You've driven away the townspeople!

Fondue:
Golly Velveeta! Now we can get married!

Velveeta:
And we are left alone with the money and cheese shops of the townspeople!

Velveeta + Fondue:
O joy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy! 
We're joy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-ous! 
We're joyous, oh so joyous! 
We're joyous, oh so joyous! 
With a fa la la, fa la la la, fa la la la, fa la la la, fa la! 
We're joy-oy-oy-ous!

Ensemble:
We're joy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-ous! 


We're joy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-oy-ous! 
We're joyous, oh so joyous! 
We're joyous, oh so joyous! 
With a fa la la, fa la la la, fa la la la, fa la la la, fa la! 
We're joy-oy-oy-ous!

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Wherein the privileged parent of a privileged kid complains about the college prep industry

Because E is at that point, we began visiting colleges and universities last spring. We visited the three biggest nearby universities (two state, one private), and over spring break we took a how-far-can-we-drive-in-how-little-time roadtrip that would have made my dad proud, seeing nine campuses in two states in six days (five formal tours, two informal tours, and two drive-bys). Having sampled the menu--big, medium, small; urban, rural; public, private; elite, plebeian--E applied to six schools this past fall (three good-fit, two reach, one backup), a number that appears par for the course (if not low) due to the relative ease of the Common and Coalition apps.

I've meant to write about this process for months, but the variety of things that tick me off about it is so great that it's been difficult not to meander. But as the season of acceptances, deferrals, and rejections commences, I want to deposit my scattered thoughts here. What follows is the POV of a verbose parent recalling how simple applying to college was 36 years ago. E, who is the one actually applying to and soon attending college, is happily far less annoyed by all of this than I am; but as his mom and former (!) chauffeur, I have Observations. I begin at the "top":

UHoit

The University of Hoitytoity is a beautiful, elite, private, mid-sized university, an oasis centered in a bustling metropolis. UHoit's gift to us was the term "hyperselective." The Admissions Director gave it to us straight: "Other hyperselective schools won't always tell you these things, but [because we're the hyperest] we're here to tell you what you need to do to get into UHoit and other hyperselective schools."

What gets you into UHoit, other than the requisite burning desire? Like many schools, UHoit looks at the "whole student": GPA, AP and other accelerated courses (a.k.a. "whether you challenged yourself"), SAT/ACT scores, application essays, recommendation letters, and extra-curricular activities.

What does GPA mean for the "whole student"?

UHoit's Admissions Director said, "students always ask, is it better to take a regular class and get an A, or an AP class and get a B? The answer is, it's better to take an AP class and get an A." Maybe your GPA can withstand a B+ or two, he allowed, but be prepared to explain in your essays the adversity that caused your grades to slip.

I was so perturbed by this that I didn't manage to articulate a question about it until after we were home. I wish I had asked, "What kind of counseling and support services do you provide for students who come to UHoit and get their first Bs or Cs?" And then I remembered reading a prominent news story  a few years ago about a suicide at a hyperselective university--UHoit, in fact. The connection is only anecdotal; most colleges and universities do not track suicide data, so there's no way to know how or if academic pressure plays a role. Nonetheless, it was startling. I wish I had asked the question.

Who is best served by AP courses?

Why, the College Board. The jury is still out on whether students are well-served by AP courses.

AP curricula are designed by the College Board, and at E's school, AP courses are the only ones offered for advanced topics (e.g. math beyond pre-calc, languages beyond the third semester). Yet as E's excellent calculus teacher told parents at an open house, "the course is organized [X] way; if it were up to me, I would introduce material differently--but that's not how the College Board does it." Another teacher warned students and parents that she planned to veer from the College Board curriculum because she thought it would be in the students' and the field's best interest--but the school still pays the College Board for the curriculum, and for the exams the students will take in the spring.

Thanks to hyperselective schools like UHoit, many kids feel driven to take AP classes, not because they are necessarily interested in the material or want a challenge, but because AP classes will boost their GPA. E estimates that he's seen ~25% of the kids in his AP classes cheat--some to pass, and some to get As. Research suggests honors students feel more pressure to cheatThis isn't unique to E's school; before he took his first AP class, a friend one county over complained about what she called "rampant cheating" in her AP classes. What works in high school continues in college. Back when I was teaching at Nearly Ivy--a hyperselective bastion of high-achieving students--an undergrad student rep at a department faculty meeting explained that of course students routinely violate the university's honor code: he said students "knew" that the difference between an A and a B could mean the difference between getting a good job or not.

While googling for more info about AP courses, I happened upon this website: a compilation of tweets by the College Board's head of AP testing. Yes, the AP world is such that there's actually an audience for his collected tweets.

Here is an exceptional one:
1 student, out of nearly 600,000 worldwide, achieved all 150/150 points possible on this year’s AP English Language exam. I can’t wait to read her/his essays; a student able to write a suite of perfect arguments within such time constraints sounds like the next Woolf or MLK. 
Yes, kids: we cherish Virginia Woolf and MLK because they wrote prefect argument essays under time pressure. And the person who wrote this is in charge of AP testing. (I'll note the inclusivity implied by mentioning Woolf and MLK; AP classes are still wrestling with that.)

Speaking of testing...

What does SAT/ACT mean for the "whole student"?

The very best article I have read about standardized testing (and how we misuse it) is "IQ Cults, Nonlinearity, and Reality: a Bird-watcher’s Parable," by Simon DeDeo, a professor of Social and Decision Sciences at Carnegie Mellon. Read it.

According to UHoit's Admissions Director, "we require standardized test scores not because we like these tests, but because nothing better is available yet." Many would disagree.

UHoit's Admissions Director acknowledged that "some high schools prepare students better than others for these tests," so UHoit considers an applicant's scores in the context of the average SAT/ACT score at the applicant's high school. Fair enough. What he ignored is that taking the tests repeatedly tends to improve scores, as does purchasing tutoring, as does, well, simply having money. Nor did he acknowledge that studies have shown SAT/ACT scores aren't the best predictors of college success. UHoit and others in its league are in a position to insist on something better--but they don't. Instead, they fuel the standardized-testing industry. (One hyperselective university recently jumped ship; kudos to the University of Chicago.)

Hyper-achieving kids understand the subtext: "If you love UHoit enough, you'll prove it by retaking the ACT or SAT to boost your scores (but not so many times that you look desperate)." Most universities require one or the other, not both, but an increasing number of students are covering their bases by taking both, sometimes multiple times. Kids with money can do this more easily than kids without.

Speaking of money...When registering for the SAT or ACT, students can select up to four schools to receive their scores, at no additional cost. Students who want to wait to see their scores first (goodness, who would want to send crappy scores to UHoit?) will have to pay extra to send them later. Students who want to see their scores before deciding whether to re-take the test will be delighted to learn that the late-registration fee for the next exam kicks in the day before the previous exam's scores are released. Want to expedite sending scores? That will cost extra, of course--even though the entire process is electronic.

Further fueling the testing industry, UHoit does not consider AP test scores. Instead, they ask applicants to submit SAT II subject tests. Why accept the College Board standardized tests that many schools already pay for, when you could require applicants to take yet another set of College Board exams at the applicant's expense? (UHoit waives the SAT subject-test requirement for low-income students--but if you had your heart set on UHoit, would you risk not going all out?)

The University of North Carolina system recently announced it would continue a program by which applicants to three schools (notably, all HBCUs) could be admitted with sub-par SAT/ACT scores if their high school GPAs sufficiently exceeded minimum requirements. News media noted that students previously admitted through this program have been as successful as students with higher test scores. The surprise is that everyone sounds surprised about this.

Remember the Lorax

From the moment a student fills in the first ACT and SAT paperwork bubbles, s/he receives a steady stream of college recruitment e- and snail-mail--most from schools s/he will never apply to, because it would be physically and financially impossible to apply to every single one. Perhaps the snazzy-brochure postage and printing costs pay for themselves by boosting "selectivity" ratings, i.e. by generating the opportunity for a school to reject more applicants.

Of course, tens of thousands of kids do get into highly competitive schools every year, and almost no one gets in without applying--but are those the type of kids who need bucketloads of snail mail help to remind them that those schools exist? A lot of trees are dying to push the applicant recruitment process.

Of the hundreds of pieces of college-recruitment snail mail E has received, only one was interesting enough to motivate a school visit. Indeed, it was so interesting--a text-filled tetraflexagon that simply by its design proclaimed "math! engineering! design! fun!"--that we planned our spring-break road trip to include TetraflexagU. By the time we got there, E had figured out he wasn't interested in urban campuses without grassy quads, so we dropped out of the tour and stopped by the engineering department to cancel E's appointment with their undergraduate recruitment officer. We told her that the tetraflexagon was the best recruitment brochure we had ever seen--and she had no idea what we were talking about. Oh well.

A friend whose daughter saved all of her recruitment snail mail for a post-application bonfire reports that most brochures are coated in anti-flammable plastic coatings and don't burn.

Email offers a paper-free alternative. E started saving college recruitment email in a subfolder this past summer. By mid-January, when college application season was approaching its end, the folder was approaching 2,000 emails--an average of 9 or 10 unread messages per day.

What do extra-curricular activities mean for the "whole student"?

Advice about extra-curricular activities varies from school to school and college-prep company to college-prep company. Show breadth--or show depth. Show passion. Show engagement. Volunteer. Lead. But be you. And while you're being you, keep your growing resume in mind, because colleges prefer certain kinds of yous.

Now write an essay about it

Now that you and your peers have pumped up your GPAs with AP courses, spent some time and money retaking the SAT or ACT to prove your devotion, volunteered (if you can afford it--there's a financial aspect to volunteering) and/or worked--write an original essay that shows how you are different from all of the other thousands of applicants competing for spaces who have also done these things. Be unique!

Backyard State U's website writes that the college application essay
...is your chance to brag about the company/organization you founded, the research you have been conducting, the first place trophy your robotics team won or the fact that you work 40 hours a week and still maintain a strong academic record.
All in a day's work for the typical Backyard State student.

UHoit's website offers somewhat saner advice: "Be yourself" and "Let the real you shine through."

Some schools understandably require supplemental essays, to distinguish applicants who really want to apply from those who are happy to just check another "submit" box on the Common App. I thought it was amusing--although E did not--that Outa State Polytechnic wanted a concise, 120-word response to a question they needed 89 words to frame.

When students are done with their essays, they can listen to an Admissions Director mock application essays on the radio. (He's understandably miffed by parents who pretend to be their own kids; but this?):
Ira Glass: Are there trends in what kids are writing about, the way you feel like you see little fads and you get sick of them?
Rick Clark: Oh. Well, the age-old one that, I mean, again, pretty much anybody that you would interview who's been in college admission for any period of time would be-- you know, we just call it now the "mission trip" essay. And great to go on a mission trip, great to have a cultural experience, but inevitably the way it reads is so predictable.
We flew down to somewhere in Central America, and we got off the plane. It was really hot. And we got on the bus. And 20 miles outside of the village, our bus broke down, but we got picked up by a chicken truck and taken into town. And then over the course of my time there, I went expecting to help others, but it was, in fact, me who was changed. And even just when you first start reading that essay, you're like, oh, here it comes again.
Ira Glass: Most college essays are pretty bad. Rick estimates that only one out of every 20 or so essays that he reads is any good at all, that is, 19 bad ones if you're counting at home. But he says that he and his colleagues believe that they themselves are partly to blame for the essay questions that they actually put onto the applications, questions that always get the same mundane, suck-uppy answers from kid, after kid, after kid. Colleges just market themselves so aggressively to so many people.
What a pain to have to read thousands of predictable essays about life-changing experiences, written by kids who are dabbling in a new genre of writing and haven't had the fortune--or misfortune--to read thousands of sample essays.

(And of course, mission trips cost a lot of money too. There are cheaper ways to volunteer.)

Remembering students are human

It's a big country; we road-tripped through fewer than 0.3% of its degree-granting post-secondary schools. E's attitude about all but the urban, grassless ones and the ones smaller than his high school was "yeah, this would be fine." Backyard State, UHoit, and everything in between: "yeah, this would be fine." He is planning on enjoying college; his heart isn't set on any particular place. I think this makes him lucky.

But for me--the person who is not going to college next year--Historic U stood out. Historic is a pretty, elite, mid-sized public university in a mid-sized university town. We attended their Engineering Open House, where Historic's Dean of Admissions spoke about applying. She said: "it's OK for the application essay to not be perfect. It's OK for it to have a few typos--not a lot, of course, but a few are fine. What we're looking for are essays that sound like they were written by the type of students we seek: bright 17- and 18-year-olds who want to go to college." Whether that's true or not, it was a breath of fresh air.

Even when kids do everything "right"

Rick Clark explains it well: life is not fair. Rejected applicants might understandably feel betrayed by a system whose priorities are so out of whack. May all college-bound students have fulfilling activities and aspirations to sustain them during high school and beyond.

The lesson in all of this

E received his first acceptance notification, from Backup U, in early December: "Hooray! I'm going to college next year!" His relief was palpable.

A few days later, he got in at Big Outa State. "Hooray! Big Outa is one of my top three!"

"Really?," I said; "I didn't know you had a top three. What are they?"

"Backyard State, Big Outa, Outa Tech, Historic, and maybe Nearly Ivy."

"That's five," I said.

"Yeah, well, they'd all be fine."

Indeed, they'd all be fine.