Drive-thru follow-up

The whole Drive-Thru Easter thang has me wondering why Christians should have all the fun. OK, so Westwood Baptist in Cary explicitly avoided labeling their production "fun" because, after all, "it is a crucifixion," but Duke Memorial Baptist Church in Spring Hope, NC, didn't hesitate to advertise the pleasurable aspects of its similar event, inviting people to "Come out and re-live the final week of Christ! Enjoy it from the comfort of your car!"

This morning I started thinking about my own religious upbringing, and about what we Jews might do to compete with the Easter Bunny, marshmallow Peeps, and Drive-Thru Crucifixions, and suddenly it popped into my head: the vast, untapped potential of the Drive-Thru Seder, American style! ("The original Last Supper, updated to accommodate the hustle and bustle of modern life!") Would the Jews have bothered slogging between the parted waters of the Red Sea if they could have driven out of Egypt instead? And why wander in the desert for forty years, when we've got GPS and iPhones? Surely G*d understands that three hours is a long time for a meal these days.

With the Drive-Thru Seder, you can be assured that this night really will be different from all other nights, as you and your family cruise comfortably from one plague to the next: Blood! Frogs! Lice! Wild beasts! Pestilence! Boils! Hail! Locusts! Darkness! Death of the firstborn! Pull into the parking lot, roll down your windows, tilt your seats back, and enjoy a sampler plate of deep-fried Maror, Charoset, Zeroa, Karpas, Baytzah, and optional Chazeret on-a-stick, brought to you by one of our friendly car-hops. Wash it down with a few well-paced sips of grape juice (Mogen David kosher concord wine available in wet counties only), then pop the trunk for the prophet Elijah, and you're ready to roll! Your children will delight in hiding the Afikomen under the front seat amongst the loose change, candy wrappers, and Cheerios. Of course, no Seder would be complete without joyously celebrating G*d's liberation of His chosen people with a rousing chorus of Dayenu on car horns. "Next year within driving distance!"